I have many artists who inspire my work but I’ve been struggling to fine artists who are relevant to my practice. Then Sally gave me a few names of artists to look at, one of which was Nancy Goldin!
Nan Goldin is an American photographer who’s work explores LGBT community, intimacy and the opioid epidemic. All these issues are relevant to me and my life and practice. Like many artists my life experience is what I put into my art and I really want to be able to do that in a way that is easily conceivable by my audience. Our life experiences are very similar in many ways and she has used much of that in her work. Her older sister committed suicide when Nan was 11 and in 1965 (when I was born) Suicide was very much a taboo subject – I think death in Western culture still is a subject that is not discussed, especially the death of a child! Nan Said “I saw the role that her sexuality and its repression played in her destruction. Because of the times, the early sixties, women who were angry and sexual were frightening, outside the range of acceptable behavior, beyond control. By the time she was eighteen, she saw that her only way to get out was to lie down on the tracks of the commuter train outside of Washington, D.C. It was an act of immense will.” It is devastating that these things happen and keep happening! I know what it’s like first hand to feel the only way out is death – it seems so logical when you’re in that situation but that’s depression! I can imagine the impact this had on her.
We both started smoking marijuana around the same age. I was drawing the rock chicks that so inspired me, Nan was given a camera and started taking phots to help deal with her sisters death. Her first solo exhibition was on gay and transgender people, hoping to show them as a third gender and shine a light on them with love and respect. Though Nan was mainly working with Drag Queens and while I have worked with many too (seriously amazing makeup skills) I have many gay and trans experienced (this is the term my cousin prefers so I use it too) friends and family. To be victimised for any reason is beyond my comprehension! To be victimised because of your race, age, gender, religion or sexual orientation is just ludicrous! It saddens me immensely the world in which I find myself. The fact that it took so long for marriage equality blows my mind!
She has worked in the fashion industry taking photos for Scanlon and Theodore, Dior and Jimmy Choo to name a few. This industry is one I know well being a hair and makeup artist having worked on commercial shoots and with celebrities including Jennifer Hawkins, Margot Robbie and Miranda Kerr to name but a few. My mentor was and still is Rae Morris so maybe I need to do a blog on her – she is beyond brilliantly talented and one of the nicest people you could ever meet and so generous with her knowledge and time. Anyhow I digress – though I worked in the fashion/beauty industry it never really sat right with me because a) the photoshopping that took place on models/celebrities leaving a mere mortal to feel so disenfranchised, ugly, fat, amongst a myriad of other self loathing emotions and b) the amount of money spent on advertising including $40,000 for a model for one and a half days of filming! Now this is nothing against models as they are lovely people (mostly) but the fact that someone can be paid such amounts of money merely because they won the genetic lottery as opposed to say a brain surgeon who has gone to school for years, studied hard and spent a fortune in university fees and still doesn’t get close to that amount just seems crazy!! But I was part of the monster so you know glass houses and all that hahah!
Now while Nan lost her sister at a young age, I didn’t start losing people till I was 22 when my beautiful friend Karen was killed in a car accident and unfortunately its been a rather steady stream of lives gone far too soon since. I won’t list all my loves that have gone too soon for I would be here or ever but the main ones that really cracked my foundation, leaving permanent flaws are my mother in 1993 at the age of 51 when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child I’m now older than my mum ever was), my beautiful girlfriend Lynne who died at 36 in 1997 leaving her 2 young boys and of course my daughter Star who died at 20 in 2016 – this one by far is the WORST!!! This one is why I started painting! Star is the reason I am on this journey of self discovery, awarenesses and creativity and why I sit here doing this blog for my MFA. If I hadn’t painted through my pain and devastation I would have killed myself. If it wasn’t for my art and my 3 other amazing children I would not be here and I am so grateful to still be here!
So Nan also got addicted to Oxycontin which is an opioid drug prescribed for pain. I got addicted to a different opioid – Hydra morphine! God damn that stuff is good! Even as I sit here now and mention that word the receptors in my brain go “hell yeah bring that shit on” haha but coming off it cold turkey IS NOT fun! But that my friend sis a whole different blog.
So to summarise Nan Goldin is creating out of her experience with pain, life, loss and love and also trying to bring awareness to others of all of the above. This is what I dream of being able to do with my art! I want to be in your face, no beating around the bush, make you feel uncomfortable creative because I have a message and if I can do that by being raw and honest and vulnerable like creatives like Nan then let’s do it!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nan_Goldin
A load of Nan Goldin works here https://www.moca.org/collection/work/ectopic-pregnancy-scar-new-york-city
Creation! 